My Facebook Status Updates for 2009

Andy Borowitz, 12.31.2008

BorowitzReport.com

Andy can't believe that shoe almost hit Rick Warren. Andy doesn't think Caroline Kennedy is qualified to replace Robert Gates as Secretary of Defense, but doesn't blame her for asking.

What a Year It Might Be

Gary Hart, 12.31.2008

2009 could be the year when America and Russia decide to make dramatic reductions in nuclear weapons and convene an international conference of all nuclear nations to agree to the complete elimination of nuclear weapons from the face of the earth.

Three Things for the New Year

Alec Baldwin, 12.31.2008

One is that Danny Boyle wins for Best Director and that Slumdog Millionaire is Best Picture at the Oscars. I hope its star, Dev Patel, is, at the very least, nominated for this incredible film.

The Most Ridiculous Political Quote of 2008

Bob Cesca, 12.31.2008

Political Author, Blogger, and New Media Producer

We can easily find more than a few quotes from the year of political and cable news hackery that were almost totally overlooked, along with too many hacks, hoopleheads and outright doofs who weren't given a full turn at the flogging pole.

Best Of 2008: JOKES

David Rees, 12.31.2008

"Why did the economy go to the psychologist? Because it was having DEPRESSION." "What did Rev. Jeremiah Wright say when his car broke down? 'GODDAMN CAR!'"

2008 Year in Review, Part Two

Tom Tomorrow, 12.31.2008

In the Year of Our Conscience 2009

RJ Eskow, 12.31.2008

Consultant, Writer, Health Analyst

We're going to make some difficult decisions in 2009. Let's hope that the first question we ask ourselves won't be "Will it work?" but "Is it right?" If we're going to arouse any human response in the coming year, shouldn't it be conscience?

My New Year's Resolution is to Lose my Bottle -- and Quit the Coke

Johann Hari, 01.01.2009

Columnist, London Independent

My New Year's resolution is to finally give up my addiction to two liquids that are trashing the lives of some of the poorest people on earth: bottled water, and Coke. In 2009, I am determined to lose my bottle.

Now For the Hard Part

Peggy Drexler, 12.31.2008

Psychologist and Author

By all accounts, we're strapped in for a very rough outing. How we get through it is going to be a matter of fortitude and attitude. In times like these, optimism is a decision.

A New Year for We the People

Steven Weber, 12.31.2008

While popping the cork on pricey champagne may not be the most economically feasible thing to celebrate the new year and the new president, we can with real pride and hope look forward. But only if we learn from our past.

The 12 Most Viral Web Stories of 2008

Jonah Peretti, 12.31.2008

The web changed forever the moment that Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at President Bush. Or at least it changed for two or three days as the animated gifs and games flooded the Internet.

The Top 10 Global Warming Stories of 2008

Joseph Romm, 01.01.2009

Senior Fellow at the Center for American Progress, Editor of ClimateProgress.org

Since the #1 story is way too obvious to generate any drama, I will start there and then go back and count down from 10 to 2.

May 2009 Be For You...

Ken Levine, 12.31.2008

Emmy-Winning Writer/Director/Producer, MLB Announcer

...what 2008 was for Barack Obama, the Philadelphia Phillies, Mad Men, Batman, Ironman, the Boston Celtics, Tina Fey, David Cook, Michael Phelps, Wall-E, Hulu...

Kreskin's Predictions for 2009

The Amazing Kreskin, 12.31.2008

2009 Prediction: There will be a growing movement in the US to follow in the steps of England, and that is to restrict, discourage, or even ban cell phones in restaurants.

Will Foreign Policy Get Even Sexier in 2009?

Phil Bronstein, 12.31.2008

Executive Vice President and Editor-at-Large, San Francisco Chronicle

The line between punishment and reward can be confusing in any culture. Particularly when it comes to sex.

Goodbye to Greed -- Hello to Need

Sherman Yellen, 12.31.2008

As we enter the New Year let us not forget those wonderful little rascals from the GOP -- Condi, Turd Blossom, Brownie, Gonzo and Scooter who played such crazy tricks on our country.

10 Phrases That Will Shape Politics In '09

Jeffrey Feldman, 12.30.2008

"Yes we can" -- three little words whose iconic status will take up a well-deserved spot for posterity alongside "I have a dream." Yep, 2008 was a big year -- but what can we expect in 2009?

Teach Your Children Well: An Aging Rock Critic's Album of the Year

David Wild, 12.31.2008

As a concerned parent now myself, I wanted to take just a moment to honor one box set that I feel every parent with any disposable income ought to invest in even during these very trying times.